the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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