I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
