It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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