I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
