u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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