I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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