Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
