Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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