i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
