You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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