all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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