you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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