im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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