haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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