I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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