I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize