I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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