As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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