Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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