Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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