Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize