Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
