just tell him i said nine months
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
