I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
