apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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