Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
