this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
