no, he came in my armpit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I touched a dick in church today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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