I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
