looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
