Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
