I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
