The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
