Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
