I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
