So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
