I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
