u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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