so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
