You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Houston, we have a blender
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
