It's Friday. Sex?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
