Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
