Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
