i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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