we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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