you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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