College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
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