I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
