420 ftw
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
