I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
