I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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