i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
