Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i love accidental penises.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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