We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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