I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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