His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
