Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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