NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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