so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
