I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
