He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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