she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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