Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
