I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize