**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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