he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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