I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
