just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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